The Weekly Erinism- September 13, 2009

While at work yesterday, Laureen called me from home and asked if I wanted to join her and Erin for a school clothes shopping spree when I completed my shift. I agreed, and at 4:00 PM, they picked me up at my store and we were off to the mall in Livingston.

Erin was quite happy to be getting lots of new size 4 clothes (she turned 4 in July, but because she is small for her age, she has continued right on wearing the size 3 clothes, a fact that has recently proven terribly vexxing to her). She was well-behaved as we slogged through rack after rack of pants and shirts, trying to strike that perfect balance between great deals and nice clothes. But eventually, it proved a little too taxing for our little girl, and she began to grow impatient, reminding us every 30 seconds or so about how thirsty she was. Figuring we better wrap things up, Laur and I gathered our spoils and carried them over to the check-out counter, where we were quite thrilled to receive an extra 15% off our purchase.

After a brief respite in which Erin recharged with a bottle of water and an M&M cookie, it was back to Sears for new shoes. Erin picked out a pair of sneakers with the characters from Disney's "Cars" (I think they were intended as boy's shoes, but don't tell her because she is SO proud of them). We also picked her up a new pair of dress shoes, and a new pair of everyday shoes (again, sales were too good to pass up). At this point, Laur wanted to find herself a new pair of work shoes, so I suggested that Erin come help me find a new cardigan style sweater for myself. At first, Erin wanted to stay with Mommy to quote, "try on all the shoes", but she eventually relented and came with me so that Laur would have some freedom to shop for herself.

While wandering through the men's department, Erin and I rounded a store fixture at a brisk pace and I had to suddenly stop short. There was an unexpected cart blocking the path. This sudden stop caused Erin to walk headfirst into me. Clutching her forehead as she sidestepped away after the collision, she more or less shouted,

"Dadoo!! You need to be more CAREFUL!!! You just bumped my head with your great big GIANT BUTT!!!"

I heard snickers from the people around me in the store as they tried to hide their laughter at my expense. Looking down at Erin in disbelief, I foolishly asked,

"What did you say?"

Louder this time, Erin stated calmly and matter-of-factly, "I said, you bumped my head with your BIG BUTT! Be more careful."

The snickers turned into stifled laughter and muffled guffaws. At this point, Erin realized she had an audience. I watched in seeming slow motion as she panned her head around the men's department, taking notice of just how many of our fellow patrons had stopped engaging in commerce in order to stand there and watch her little show. Then, that same wicked little smirk spread across her face that I've seen so many times before, as she realized that her performance was a hit, and she began to play to the crowd.

"Dadoo, you have a BIG BUTT! You shouldn't hit me in the head with it. You should be more careful."

"OK Erin, that will do. Help me find my sweater."

"Watch out for Big Butt Dadoo!" Other small children shopping with their parents are now in hysterics.

"Erin, that's enough with the butt jokes. Some people might find them to be rude."

But it wasn't enough for her. She fired off a couple more before she was done, culminating in the following,

"My Dadoo has a GREAT BIG GIANT BUTT," picture a maniacal cackle coming from Erin as anyone in earshot also burst out in uncontrollable laughter.

"OK ERIN. THAT'S ENOUGH WITH THE BUTT JOKES!"

Crestfallen, Erin put her head down in a sad, defeated gesture. Until, that is, Mommy came walking up and said,

"What's going on over here?"

Erin's face lit up as she got to fill Laureen in on her little stand-up routine (much more quietly this time). Sheesh, I thought I'd at least have until junior high before I became the "butt" (both literally and figuratively) of her jokes.