Laur and I went to the Doctor today for our first "annual" physical since probably 2003. The results were actually better than expected for both of us, so that was good news. The Doc gave us both referrals to a Dermatologist because she was not happy that neither one of had visited one in a while, what with both of our family's histories with skin cancer. She gave me a free sample and a prescription for medicine for my migraine headaches, and she referred me to a sleep clinic because she feels strongly, based on what both Laureen and I told her, that I suffer from sleep apnea. She also wants me to lose some weight (the doctor, I mean, although I'm sure Laur wouldn't mind either).
Laureen and I were both surprised by our cholesterol numbers (Me- because it had gone down nearly 30 points since it was last measured and because my bad cholesterol has gone down over the years, Laur- because her total cholesterol was higher than mine even though she generally eats better than I do). The good news on cholesterol, however, is that we were both below the upper limit of 200. Unfortunately, with this little bit of good news came the bad news:
Our triglycerides were too high.
These are essentially the thoughts that went through my head:
"Aghhhh!!!!! I didn't even know I had triglycerides! How can something I didn't know existed possibly be too high? OK. OK. No big deal, right? I mean, how important can they possibly be? Wait. What? You are saying that they are very important? That a high count for triglycerides actually can hold down our good cholesterol? Not Fair!! Take 'em back! I don't want them. How did I even get them?"
This is when the doctor told us what we already knew but had been in denial about for a long time. The problem is within our diet. Too much fatty food. Too many sweets. Too many carbohydrates. That, in a nutshell, is why we have too many triglycerides. Next came the dreaded news that we both should have known was coming... new diets for the next 3 months. We can kiss the good (bad) stuff goodbye.
Bye Bye 1/2 pound Bacon Cheeseburgers!
Au Revoir footlong Philly Cheesesteaks!
You've been delicious, but from now on, it'll have to be 4 ounces of grilled chicken, sliced up in a salad (oh, and hold the croutons & creamy ranch dressing as well).
We'll miss you, Spicy Buffalo Wings!
And I guess we can bid adieu to brownies, cookies, cake, and- GASP! - Laur's cookie bars!!
Instead, we'll be chowing down on broccoli, spinach, green beans, and cauliflower. Yep, I can eat all the cauliflower I want. There are no limits. If I wanted to wade knee deep into a pool of cut cauliflower and shovel it down my throat using one of those plastic, children's beach shovels until my stomach is ready to burst, nobody will bat an eyelash. However, if I try to sneak even one Hostess cupcake, there will be hell to pay. And the worst part is that we did this to ourselves!!
Oh well... I'm off to go research our triglyceride lowering diet, and to throw down a row of Oreos... I'm kidding, I'm kidding... Well, at least about the researching our diet part.
Again, kidding. So next time you're in Northern NJ, look us up and maybe we can go out to dinner. You can order yourself the 3/4 pound steak & 6 jumbo shrimp with fries and a coke, and Laureen and I will order the 4 ounces of baked chicken with steamed vegetables and rice. Hmmm!!!! My mouth is watering already.
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