New Erinism- Doughnut Existensialism

Here's a quick one.

This really happened.

Erin had a nightmare on Saturday night and joined us in bed. The ensuing hurricane of flailing arms and legs that is our wrestlessly sleeping 5 year old drove Laur out of the bedroom to the couch. Consequently, I woke up Sunday morning to Erin's face hovering inches from my own, her finger poking me in the center of my forehead. As the world came into focus and I gained my faculties, I groggily realized she was speaking to me.

"Dadoo... Dadoo... DADOO!!"

"WHAT?" I shot a glance at the clock and realized it 5:45 AM.

"I'm starving. Like, REALLY starving! I've been starving for like 200 hours," she whisper-whined. Clearly my little girl has a distorted grasp of time and hunger.

I removed my C-PAP mask and sat up in bed. "What would you like to eat?"

"A Pop-Tart."

So, in an effort to stave off Erin's death from starvation, I went into the still-dark kitchen and retrieved a Cinnamon Pop-Tart. When I handed it to her, she set about ravenously devouring it.

After a couple of minutes of relative peace, she suddenly stopped chewing and looked off into the distance, as if some deep thought had just occured to her. I could actually see the precise moment when the light bulb went on in her brain. Then, as if possessed, she turned to me with a serious look in her eyes. The she spoke.

"Dadoo. Here's the thing. What's the deal with you and the plain doughnuts?" I know what you're thinking... when did Erin morph into Jerry Seinfeld, right?

Dumbfounded, I said the only thing I possibly could. "What?!?!"

"What's... the... deal... with... you... and... the... plain... doughnuts?" As she so often does when dealing with me, Erin found it necessary to slow down her speech, putting extra emphasis on each word. It must be hard for her, having such an incompetente for a father.

"Um... I LIKE plain doughnuts. I don't think I understand your question, Erin."

"Well, you see Dadoo, plain doughnuts are just plain. They don't have good stuff like frosting, or sprinkles, or chocolate on them."

"OK, but I think they are sweet enough by themselves and I really like them. They're one of the best kinds of doughnuts."

"Dadoo... think about it. When the plain doughnut is in the box with the other doughnuts, it's thinking to itself, Boy I wish I had some sprinkles, or some frosting, or some powdered sugar."

"Wow... or maybe it's just happy to be what it is."

"I don't think so Dadoo. You see, it's plain."


WOW