The First Erinism of the New Year

I was lying on my bed last night reading a book, when Erin entered the room and climbed up onto the bed beside me. Glancing over at her, I greeted her with a, "Hey."

"Hi," she replied. And nothing else. She just sat there, looking at me.

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing, Dadoo." And right back to staring at me. I stared back for a minute or so, and when it was clear that she had nothing more to say, I shrugged my shoulders and went back to reading my book. Just as I began to get re-absorbed in the text, I felt her suddenly climb onto my back, at which point she stood up and began to grind her heels into my flesh.

"Ow... Ow... OWW!!!!!!" I exclaimed. "Erin, that hurts! What are you doing?"

Her response, in a robotic monotone, "I - AM - NOT - ER - IN."

"Well, whoever you are, stop it! That hurts."

This caused the thing on my back that was not Erin to fall to its knees next to me.

"YOU - HAVE - TO - ASK - ME - MY - NAME."

"OK, what is your name?"

"I - AM - NOT - ER - IN."

Yes... we established that. What is your name?"

"I - AM - ER - POOP."

"Erpoop?!?!"

"THAT - IS - MY - NAME."

"Well, Erpoop, what happened to my sweet little girl Erin?"

"I - ATE - HER."

"You ATE her?!?!"

"YES."

"Well, that's not good. I'm gonna miss her, and her Mommy's going to be very upset. You shouldn't have eaten her... that's not a very nice thing to do."

"IT'S - OK - DADOO. SHE - IS - JUST - ON - VAY - CAY - TION. SHE'LL - BE - BACK - SOON."

"Vacation? You ate my little girl so she could go on vacation?"

"YES - DADOO."

"Well, where did she go?"

"FLORIDA. SHE - IS - IN - FLORIDA."

"I see. Did she go to Disney World?"

"NO - DADOO. I - SAID - SHE - WENT - TO - FLORIDA. DISNEY - WORLD - IS - IN - NEW - YORK. I - THOUGHT - YOU - KNEW - THAT."

"Well, Erpoop, I hope she gets back soon, or Mommy and I will really miss her, and we'll be pretty mad at you for eating her."

Erin began to giggle.

"Dadoo, it's me!! I tricked you!! There's no Erpoop!! I'm not really in Florida!! I was just pretending!!"

"Boy, what a relief! I'm so happy you're home"